What can I do when I am the target of workplace gossip? Ask HR
Johnny C. Taylor Jr. tackles your human resources questions as part of a series for USA TODAY. Taylor is president and CEO of the Society for Human Resource Management, the world's largest HR professional society and author of "Reset: A Leader’s Guide to Work in an Age of Upheaval.”
The questions are submitted by readers, and Taylor's answers below have been edited for length and clarity.
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Question: Recently, a co-worker became aware of an embarrassing personal matter of mine. This person continually shared and talked about it with other co-workers. Do I have any recourse to get them to stop discussing my personal life? – Barry
Johnny C. Taylor Jr.: Thanks for sharing your experience, as I can imagine this must be quite uncomfortable. Everyone has a right to be respected at work, and that includes not being gossiped about. A friend of mine once said, “gossip is the lowest form of conversation,” and I agree. Gossip has no place at work. It’s toxic, and disrupts productivity, and can lead to dysfunctional work environments.
The first thing I suggest you do, assuming you can do so calmly and respectfully, is approach your co-workers. Ask them, in a polite and nonconfrontational manner to discontinue this behavior. Be clear and direct. While you may be rightly upset, if you do not believe you can manage your emotions, by all means, bring HR in to help.
If this behavior does not stop after you’ve spoken with your co-workers, the next step would be to speak with your manager and/or HR. Some workplaces have guidelines on topics relevant to your situation, such as gossip-free workplace policies, workplace conduct policies, or other policies that reference respectful workplace behaviors. Your employer should emphasize these policies when addressing the situation with your co-workers on your behalf. If your co-workers continue to discuss your personal life despite intervention from your manager or HR, it may cross the line into harassment. Document anything that happens and report it to your HR department. This will likely result in progressive discipline for your co-workers, which should hopefully get their attention and stop their actions.
While I do not know how this person came to know about your personal life, this serves as a reminder, to do our part to protect sensitive personal information. I hope this situation improves and I wish you the best of luck!
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Q: My manager has regularly added to my work responsibilities over the past year. I feel overwhelmed by the amount of work expected and my performance is suffering. I am at the point where I often miss deadlines and or don't complete work. I have asked my manager for assistance, but she has continually delayed making any promised changes. What can I do? – Calvin
aylor: Facing dual threats of economic instability and a talent shortage in the wake of the pandemic, many organizations have been forced to do more with less to keep their doors open; this has, not surprisingly, taken its toll on employees. The only way to address this is to speak with your manager and make him/her aware of how you feel.
As you try to assess your situation, keep the discussion constructive and centered on performance. Bear in mind that your manager may be overwhelmed as well. But don’t be afraid to speak up to keep your concerns on their radar. Part of what you are seeing might very well be a communication problem, where shifts in expectations and circumstances aren’t shared well. Think about what you can do to foster communication from your end. Be part of the solution.
If you haven’t done so already, ask your manager if any resources for improving time management are available. There may be software tools, strategies and/or training that may help you manage your workload.
You mentioned that your work performance has suffered. Has your manager reprimanded you for late or incomplete assignments? If so, it may be a clue that she has adjusted her expectations based on circumstances beyond your control. I would encourage you to speak with your manager about your performance expectations to verify if this is the case. Given the outcome, you may want to reset your expectations for work productivity to fit the current business climate.
One other important piece of advice: don’t just bring the problem, bring the solution. Being a problem-solver can turn you into a vital contributor. So, never just offer complaints without actionable insight. Lean into your knowledge and expertise to propose solutions. Perhaps it’s the purchase of new technology, flexibility with deadlines, or additional staffing. Whatever it is, the odds of getting what you want will increase when you bring ideas and solutions to the table.
Try to understand the problems you face within the context of the broader challenges facing your organization. Remember, “your” problem is never just “your” problem. In your discussions, it is important to tie your success back to the overall success of your entire workplace. Most importantly, be patient, but persistent and remain invested in improving your workplace.