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Lessons From Cuomo On How To Handle Workplace Attraction

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Two former aides of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo have accused him of inappropriate comments and behavior. One accuser, Charlotte Bennett, concluded, "The governor's trying to sleep with me." Another former aide, Lindsey Boylan, was told the governor had a crush on her and reported that Cuomo kissed her. The governor has denied any inappropriate touching.

Only the governor and these women know exactly what transpired between them. Nonetheless, both women assert that the governor expressed romantic or sexual interest in them, and the alleged interest was neither welcomed nor reciprocated. Bennett described herself as “terrified” and “uncomfortable” with his actions, and Boylan said she quit her job as a result of his advances.

Nobody should have to work in an environment where they feel uncomfortable or unsafe, yet situations similar to these occur in workplaces throughout the country. Employers need to rethink how they handle attraction at work because the way they’re handling it now isn’t effective.

Current sexual harassment guidelines typically suggest employees should steer clear of romantic or sexual entanglements at work. And relationships between subordinates and superiors are often banned entirely. Employers ban or discourage relationships between employees in order to avoid situations like Boylan and Bennett described. Unfortunately, these bans are not particularly effective because attraction at work will happen regardless of whether there is a ban in place.   

Attraction at work is common, and surveys suggest that well over half of us have acted on it and participated in a workplace romance at some time in our careers.  Of those who pursued a workplace romance, a whopping 27% dated their boss or other superior, and another 20% dated a subordinate. The large majority of those who have dated a coworker also report that they kept the romance a secret, likely because they realize that these relationships are frowned upon at work. 

Attraction is powerful, and employers must accept that sparks may will fly between some employees no matter what policies are in place. Instead of trying to quash the sparks, the focus should be on teaching employees about how to deal with that attraction when it occurs.  Hours are spent educating employees about sexual harassment, but virtually no time is allocated to teaching employees how to navigate romance at work.  Professional pursuit of romance may sound impossible, but there are guidelines that employees can follow that might just make the office a safer and more hospitable place for everyone.  

The first lesson for employees is that the strategies they employ in pursuing relationships outside of work, at a party or bar, are not appropriate at work.  There is no flirting, no leaning in for the kiss in the office. 

Employers must provide an entirely new script for employees to use in these situations within the workplace. Google and Facebook, for example, have told employees that they get only one shot at asking an employee out on a date. If an employee gets turned down, they can never ask again—not in a week, not in a month, not ever again. Others have suggested the use of consent apps, where employees obtain electronic consent before any physical contact.   

Even if the romance is welcome by both parties, organizational oversight is still warranted, and secrecy cannot be an option. In cases of direct boss-subordinate relationships, extra care is needed to ensure the subordinate isn’t acquiescing out of job security or advancement fears. When CBS News asked Bennett why she didn’t get up and leave when she felt the governor was coming on to her, she replied. “I didn’t feel like I had a choice…He was my boss. He was everyone’s boss.” An important part of the new script will be ensuring that employees have a choice—utilizing power to bully your way into a relationship can’t be an option.

This new script won’t solve all problems. Romantic or sexual attraction is not always the motivation of a harasser, and not everyone will follow the script. But current workplace policies aren’t working, and employers can certainly take steps to improve the situation when attraction is the problem.

A reporter at Cuomo’s press conference last week asked the governor if he had attended the sexual harassment training required by the state of New York. Cuomo said that he had completed the course, but it’s unlikely that the training offered a script to guide employees through attraction at work. It might have helped.

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