If quiet quitting was your workplace buzzword for 2022, then maybe this year’s more optimistic trend—quiet thriving—might just be the positive outlook you need.
By the end of last year, it seemed we were all quiet quitting something, be it our relationships or our jobs. That is, doing the bare minimum in a situation that you don’t believe is serving you or rewarding you in the way you feel you deserve. But while it’s a tempting thought to mentally check out of your job, it can actually have a pretty negative effect on your mood and may even make you feel even more unfulfilled at work. So, introducing the antithesis to quiet quitting: quiet thriving.
Coined by psychotherapist Lelsey Alderman in an article for The Washington Post, the term quiet thriving means actively making changes to your work day in order to shift your mental state and help you feel more engaged in your job.
As neuroscientist and success coach Laura Ellera tells Glamour UK, it isn’t really in our nature to do the bare minimum at work. “Let’s be honest, it’s not always possible to just up and quit our jobs when they are causing us distress, even though we might want to,” she says. “We can choose to settle into just getting by and practicing quiet quitting, but this in the long run will not be best for your mental health.”
It's the idea of staying in a job you’re fundamentally unhappy in.
She continues, “We are built to thrive as human beings—we are naturally inquisitive and even if we say we’re happy just doing the bare minimum until something better comes along, deep down we feel that lack of purpose. We notice the clock ticking as our careers seem to drift by us. We are nagged by that feeling that there’s got to be more to life than this.
“Even if you could leave that role, you may not find the fulfillment you crave if you haven’t worked on yourself first. No job alone will give us that deep down satisfaction that we all desire. We want to make a difference. We need to be appreciated. There is a drive to reach our full potential, whether we care to admit it to ourselves or not. So quiet quitting, while it may feel like sticking two up to the establishment, is actually doing the same right back at you.”
For Ellera, quiet thriving allows us to take back control of our well-being at work—and it involves two elements: “The mental switch that we need to work through in order to see our career from a different, more positive angle, and the physical actions we take in order to shape the reality of the role into one that makes us excited to go to work again.”
Here’s how you can try quiet thriving for yourself….
Take back control.
“A great place to start is to think about which parts of your job frustrate you and which parts light you up,” says Ellera. “Really get clear on the different aspects of your role and what they mean to you. Then take the parts that frustrate you and ask yourself honestly, Which parts of this do I have control over? Which parts do I have some influence over? And which parts are completely out of my control?
“If you believe your boss is an overbearing fool, you have no control over how they behave, but you do have control over how you react to their behavior. So go through each of the points (good and bad) and mark ‘control,’ ‘influence,’ or ‘no control’. It’s then down to you to take the parts that light you up and you have control over, and to work out a plan to incorporate more of that into your every day.”
Ellera suggests, “Look at the parts that frustrate you but you have control over, and work out how you can get less of that in your day. Once you’ve worked on these, go onto the things that you have influence over and do the same. Then consciously agree to let go of the things you have no control over. But know that even with these, you always have control over how you choose to react to them. And it is a choice.”
Learn to soothe your nervous system.
“When we get stressed, we lose full access to parts of our brain, as the body is focusing on more imminent threats (previously the hungry lion, now the looming deadline or the angry looking boss heading your way). When our body is in this threat mode, we also lose the ability to communicate properly and build connections with others, both of which are imperative for our workplace success and mental well-being,“ Ellera says.
“So to step out of this threat mode, we need to learn to soothe our nervous system, and we can do this by starting to become more aware of how our body is feeling in the moment. Are you breathing deeply, are your shoulders and jaw relaxed, are you feeling calm? Or are you taking short breaths in the top of your chest, feeling like you’re about to explode?
“Set a reminder on your phone to repeat every hour, and when it goes off, just take notice,” she instructs. “Become aware of what’s happening internally. Allow yourself the grace of taking three long, deep breaths in, exhaling each as slowly as you can through pursed lips, imagining you’re breathing out through a straw. This allows your nervous system to calm and means that your body can function fully and your brain can work optimally—because you can’t thrive in your job if your body is stuck in threat mode.”
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Connect with others.
It takes a lot of energy for our body to function properly, and a lot of the time, we are taking more out of it than we are replenishing. This means we end up in an energy deficit; that’s when we feel sluggish, sleepy or downright exhausted.
“One thing that can help us to feel rejuvenated is to connect with people who make us feel safe,” says Ellera. “People who feel good to be around. This is when we can co-regulate our nervous systems—we move into step with other people’s breathing and heart-rate rhythm when we are relaxed with them. This can give us more energy and motivation in our workday. The key to this is making sure these relationships are built with growth in mind, so not hanging around with the group that spend their time complaining about work or their boss.
“You also need to be able to trust that person,” she says, ”because although the best thing for your nervous system is another human being, the worst thing for your nervous system is also another human being if they make you feel unsafe in any way shape or form. So connecting with your colleagues has greater benefits than just feeling good. It can actually help to regulate your entire body, give you more energy, and therefore allow you to thrive in your career.”
Have a break.
According to Ellera, there’s no harm in taking time to reset—it may even help with your productivity (depending on what you do, of course).
“We were not built to concentrate for 12 hours straight a day,” she says. “Studies have found that we can only really concentrate on a task for around an hour at a time before our brain starts to wander. So as you push on throughout the day, you’re actually getting less and less efficient at your work and are more and more likely to make mistakes. So take a break.”
One tactic Ellera suggests: “Split the day up into chunks where you can, and make sure you get up, move, and have a break. I get my clients to use the Pomodoro technique, where they set a timer (I use 25 minute intervals) and focus solely on one task at a time; when the timer goes off, they can either reset it and continue for another 25 minutes if it’s going well, or get up and have a break. This will make you so much more productive and helps you to get more done in your day. The breaks allow your brain to rest and your concentration to reset. And if you add a mini reward for getting that task done, such as a five-minute walk outside, or a coffee from the office cafe, your body will anticipate the reward and hit you with a shot of dopamine, the feel good hormone, making you more likely to do it again.”
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Prioritize your health and sleep.
“If you’re struggling with finding the love for your work, this isn’t going to be improved by crawling into the office late, tired, and with a hangover,” says Ellera. “Our mental health depends on our brain health, and when we don’t look after our brain, this is when everything seems to get harder.
“And this makes appreciating your role and working toward a better career path more difficult if you’re feeling generally rubbish.” she points out. “So ensure you’re starting your working day from the best place possible. Your brain thrives when it is nourished with the right nutrients, hydrated with water and rested with seven to nine hours of sleep. All the stuff that is common sense, but often not common practice. So take stock of where your health is right now. Because that has a direct impact on your brain health. And that has a direct impact on how you are going to be showing up at work and in your life in general.”
Be proactive.
While not every role out there has the wiggle room to change dramatically, there are always more ways to mold the role than we believe, according to Ellera.
“Since you’ve already highlighted the things that light you up over the things that drain you, it’s now up to you to shape your role into something that works for both you and your employer. It’s much more beneficial for an employer to have happy, motivated employees than it is to rigidly stick to a job description without taking into account the human doing the role. And businesses are becoming more open to this way of thinking,” Ellera says.
“Whilst taking a sledgehammer to your role and changing it completely might not go down so well, highlighting areas of opportunity to your boss, and explaining why and how they could work for you and the company, can help you to take back control of your career. Becoming known as the go-to for the area you thrive in will not only make you happier in your role, but also makes you a valued member of the team and increases your potential in the company.”
This post was originally published on Glamour UK.
