I bashed my manager in an email to a co-worker… and my boss found out: Ask HR

Johnny C. Taylor Jr., a human resources expert, is tackling your questions as part of a series for USA TODAY. Taylor is president and CEO of the Society for Human Resource Management, the world's largest HR professional society.

The questions are submitted by readers, and Taylor's answers below have been edited for length and clarity.

Have a question? Do you have an HR or work-related question you’d like me to answer? Submit it here.

Question: In a moment of frustration, I wrote an email to my colleague venting about my manager. She then forwarded it to my boss. There was nothing incriminating, but I wasn't the kindest in my note. How do I move forward from this? – Anonymous

Taylor: Let’s start with the big takeaway: It’s never a good idea to respond reactively to a momentary feeling of frustration. That’s especially so while at work where such behaviors can damage one’s professional reputation and/or career pathways.

When you take time to step back and filter your feelings before speaking, your response will seem sound and it will look far more professional and mature. Hopefully, you’ve learned from and forgiven yourself for this misstep (it happens!). But I also hope you realize this story isn’t over yet. How you resolve things – within yourself, with your co-worker(s), manager, and boss – going forward is of paramount importance for both your career and workplace culture.

First, I recommend speaking with your manager, one-on-one, as soon as possible. Explain the context of your email to give your boss an opportunity to understand what caused the original frustration. However, be careful not to make excuses for your behavior. I can’t say because I don’t know what you said, but it would also probably be wise to apologize (assuming you feel genuine remorse or regret for what you said). They may just be words – but words have power.

Ideally, this can catalyze a productive exchange and the two of you can move forward unbegrudgingly. As a show of your willingness to change your ways, brainstorm how you might openly discuss matters when differences arise in the future. 

I also recommend speaking with your colleague. Share that the email was intended as confidential and try to figure out what made her forward your email. And, just like your conversation with your manager, keep the conversation with your colleague collegial.

One other thought – if your boss is not the same person as your manager, you should speak with them, too. I add this point because it’s unclear, given the wording of your question; but, if I were you, I would play damage control to the best of my abilities by speaking with everyone who knew. 

Finally, and I just want to be honest, you should probably sharpen your résumé. One of the fundamental tenets of the employee/employer relationship is mutual trust. Because of what you wrote, your boss is unlikely to trust you and may start looking for your replacement. The fact of the matter is your actions may result in negative consequences.

No matter the result of this all, the next time you feel frustrated or overwhelmed, take a second. Breathe, take a break, go for a walk. Or, if venting helps, do so but first, confirm that your confidante isn’t somehow connected to your professional network in any way . 

I imagine the fallout is uncomfortable or difficult to navigate. But, tackled with the right attitude and a sincere desire to make amends, your workplace will either forgive or forget, and you will learn and grow in the process.

I wish you the best.

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Q: I went to college for a few years, but didn’t graduate due to financial and personal challenges. In the interim, I've taken more online courses and certifications in my field, but I'm worried my lack of degree will reflect poorly on my résumé and in interviews. Any advice on how to navigate this?

Taylor: If I’ve learned anything as a CEO, it’s that every employee has a unique background and history. And I want to be very clear: You don’t need a degree to be incredibly successful in this life.  

We all have to start somewhere. And while it may feel like you’ve just begun, you’re well on your way. With a few years of college under your belt, and added courses and certifications, you’ve laid the groundwork for your career.

Besides, the good news is that not all jobs require a college degree. As the cost of a college education has skyrocketed and student loan debt has grown, many people can understand the financial hardship you were faced with.

And, increasingly, employers are even seeking work experience in lieu of a degree, even going so far as to remove it as a prerequisite for certain entry-level roles.

I encourage you to use the time in your interview to impress on employers why your outside experience makes you the person for the job. Leverage your skillset and individual expertise as an asset to the organization. Highlight courses and certifications you’ve completed – especially relevant work experience – and, above all, highlight the strengths of your character and personality. Sometimes, these intangible qualities within you weigh infinitely more than some credential on paper ever could. 

If the position you’re after does require a degree, discuss your options with the hiring manager. For example, would they consider you as a candidate if you complete your degree within a set timeframe? In the meantime, keep your options open and remember to consider jobs without those requirements, too.

After all, you might land an opportunity that advances your career and provides the flexibility you need to complete your degree.

Just remember: Be yourself. Your value does not depend on having a degree or not. You have strengths, skills, and experience. Know them, own them, keep sharpening, and be strategic – in time, things will fall in place.