How Horrible Bosses Can Accidentally Accelerate Your Career

Dear Friends & Subscribers,

During my 24 year career, I had my fair share of Horrible Bosses. What do I mean by horrible?

• They worked me to the bone.
• Expected me to have no life outside of work.
• Held unrealistic expectations.
• I could never do anything right (even though I over-achieved my job description).
• Disrespected me.
• They were condescending.
• They expected me to reply to emails at all hours of the day.
• They kept wearing me down until I had nothing left.
• And, they didn’t listen (even when they asked for feedback).

It was NEVER enough, whether I put in 10 hours, 13 hours or more.

Whether it was a new day, a new month, a different role, or a new company... it felt like I was trapped and drowning.

Trapped in a time loop movie where the character dies or the time expires, the loop starts again. Like the movie “Boss Level” with super buff Frank Grillo or Tom Cruise in “Edge of Tomorrow”.

At least you know it’s not REAL.

But my experiences were too REAL.

It was a living nightmare because I was working long hours, under constant pressure and didn’t have an outlet to handle the stress. I could not let this anger out. I did not want to show my frustration at work.

To make matters worse...

𝗜 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄𝘀

I was angry all the time, yelling at the kids, the husband - anyone that got in my path - including the slow drivers (in peak hour traffic) on the way home.

I suffered in silence. I would cry, stress-drink, and start the next day again.

I didn’t have the luxury of just quitting on the spot. I needed to line up the next job first. So, I sucked it up, persisted and did the exhausting hours.

I’ve had several Horrible Bosses, and every time they negatively impacted my interview performance. I would turn up to interviews lacking confidence and self-belief.  

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝗯 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗳𝘂𝗹, 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗜𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗰𝘆𝗰𝗹𝗲. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗕𝗼𝘀𝘀, 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝘂𝗯𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳, 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄 𝗽𝗼𝗼𝗿𝗹𝘆, 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄 𝗿𝗲𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗽 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻.

No one came to rescue me. I had to save myself from this nightmare. I couldn’t hack it anymore and challenged myself to stay positive.

That’s when I accidentally discovered a NEW interview tactic that works helps me stand out from the crowd.

It worked like a charm every time. It was the exact inspiration/motivation I needed. I still use this interview tactic with my coachees to this day (thanks, Horrible Bosses).

𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗲𝗱, 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗮 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗷𝗼𝗯 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲.

The first horrible boss, I suffered.

The next one, I got better at managing the situation.

With the third one, I coped better, was more self-assured, assertive, pushed back and didn’t lose my cool. Finally, it pushed me to make a life-changing decision.

I finally put myself back in the driver’s seat, took control of my situation and made a choice. During these experiences, I was so afraid to make a choice. To quit. To say enough is enough. Finally, I did. Each time I left, I got to roles with more pay and a title change.

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗛𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗕𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀

After much reflection, I have to thank those Horrible Bosses. They have taught me valuable life lessons about leadership and myself. Along the way, I learned about stoicism, which I am practising to this day.

Holding a stoic attitude during challenging times helps self-manage perceptions and give you clarity. With clarity, you can direct your actions to be more effective. In other words, rather than let your emotions drive you, get upset, get angry and pissed off, you direct that energy into productive actions. You take control of your own feelings, actions and outcomes you want. 

𝗛𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗔𝗰𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲

Now I put part of the blame on myself and take some responsibility.

I didn’t have to deal with them, make their lives difficult or bitch about them to others. That didn’t do me any favours and brought me down to the same level as those Horrible Bosses. I could have done better. Reacted differently.

I shouldn’t have responded in frustration because this can fuel the cycle of mistreatment.

I realised I needed to take accountability for my actions. I can’t control how they treat me, but I can certainly control how I react to their mistreatment, attitude, and behaviour. For every action, it attracted a reaction.

Once I purged all the negativity and toxicity, then took responsibility and accepted the lessons, I was a lot happier and less stressed.

Each time I get a Horrible Boss, it’s like building a stronger shield. I keep adding to my armour. 

It takes courage to own this and take responsibility. I have avoided this for a long time.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗗𝗼 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗔 𝗛𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗕𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗖𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝗤𝘂𝗶𝘁, 𝗬𝗲𝘁?

Shift Focus.

While you are job hunting, do something you have not done before instead of letting them wear you down.

I focussed my energy on what other skills I could learn before leaving the job. Redirect that negative energy and Shift Focus to how your job can serve you. I became a whole lot more positive.

Tell you what, friends: you’re not going to be there for too long, so work on leadership. Have those challenging conversations with the boss to see whether it changes the situation.

And, why not? That way, you have done everything in your power to change your situation. After that, it’s up to your boss. At least you won’t quit wondering.

Just in case you want more distractions from that Horrible Boss, try REFRAMING.

Even though you may be suffering, think of all the ways this situation is serving you. For example, it’s giving you an income, the other team members may be awesome to work with, or you may be proactively building up your CV.

Whatever it is, counter-balance your negativity to make the day more enjoyable at work. 

𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆, 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗛𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗕𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀

What lessons can Horrible Bosses teach you? LEADERSHIP LESSONS.

As you build your leadership skills, we look up to those we admire. Sometimes, we can seek lessons from those not so great, so you will NEVER be like them. 

My top 3 lessons.

𝗔𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽

In one job, the boss was nice one minute, then yelled at people the next (yelling was the preferred management style). The boss wouldn’t care who’s around when yelling, reprimanding people in an open office, bringing members to tears. 

One day, we experienced a significant issue.

Firstly we got blamed for the issue that happened. Then the boss pleaded with the team to rally together to resolve a significant problem. The boss asked us nicely to help by working extra hours. But, it was out of character, so it came across as disingenuous.

We were right. After 5 minutes, at the end of the speech, the boss yelled at all of us that the business WILL NOT fail because we won’t put in extra hours.

We poured our heart and soul into the solution, not because of the pleading but because we were all professionals. Result? We got it done.  

Being an authentic self as a leader will attract others to follow you because you are REAL. They get what they see in a leader.

𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀

I used these situations to practise having difficult conversations. I sat down and confronted my Horrible Bosses face-to-face. How? By giving examples of how I was treated

At the same time, I was open to their feedback about my performance. It was hard to swallow, and I disagreed with everything they said at that moment. BUT, I later realised they had their points. Those conversations got heated at times, with both of us reacting. Some didn't end well.

I learned to be less emotional. Instead, focus on the business issues and make the problem less personal. Don't let them get to me was my biggest lesson. If they lose their cool, then it's on them. Be a stoic.

𝗕𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲

You see, I’ve discovered my Horrible Bosses didn’t take on feedback. They nodded practised cosmetic listening, and nothing was done about the issue when the conversation was over.

When my Horrible Bosses asked for feedback, and I gave them, they didn’t acknowledge them. Then, they turn it back on me! About how I am wrong at EVERYTHING. Somehow, I come out of the office, feeling crappier than when I went in there. The cycle repeats over and over again.

No one is perfect. I learned to take on feedback, good or bad. I learned to be aware of my action, and if wrong, course correct.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗱𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗜 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳…

Not let situations or others define who I am and my reaction. I ALLOW those Horrible Bosses get to me. That’s on me.

As much as we want to see ourselves as the victim, we are also partly to blame. I took a good hard look at myself on what I could improve. I didn’t make things easy for those bosses when I lost my enthusiasm. So, I took those bad situations on the chin and reflected on what I could have done differently (now that I am my own boss 😊).

Remember, you can stop that feeling of hate. You can control your thoughts, energy and emotions. Use that same energy and focus on self-development. I guarantee you will feel a whole lot better about yourself when you come out the other end. 

Stop wasting life energy hating something or someone. It takes as much energy to hate than to create. 

Yours sincerely

𝓐𝓵𝓲𝓬𝓮

P.S ready to exit? I have videos on common CV and interview mistakes -> subscribe to my YouTube channel for more tips and tricks. 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjpdhTLmGJaAC5zNwtU-JsQ