Dr. Nassim Abdi is the co-founder and CEO of StoryBolt, a corporate inclusion training company using storytelling and film to spark empathy.
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A drop of water fell onto the page I had been reading, startling me out of my thoughts. I looked at it for a moment before realizing it had come from me. I blinked away the tears that formed and continued scanning the letter.
“...You don’t belong here. Go back home...”
I’d found the handwritten letter propped against my desktop when I came back to my desk after a morning meeting. It was the first time I had experienced such open discrimination in my workplace. I was born in the town of Ahvaz, Iran. We lived peacefully, at least until the war hit our region. The Iran-Iraq War devastated many lives, including my own. I lost my fiancé to mustard gas provided by Iraq’s allies. I grieved immensely. I could have chosen hate, but I had grown up learning to love my neighbor.
After coming to the United States in search of a master’s degree, I chose to focus on the study of critical thinking and how awareness-raising can transform our communities. I found healing in the pages of academic theory on intersectionality and decided to become a college professor. In my studies, I learned how difference is the enemy of equality. The specific definition of "outsider" will always vary according to the country, political agenda or news station—but at its core, outsiders are different from us.
As I read that hate letter, I realized I was an outsider to some of my colleagues. The letter went into the bin, but the effects remained in my mind. My workplace no longer felt safe.
I saw in their words the rhetoric of political propaganda against the "other." The energy radiating from the spaces between the lines told me a story of more than just hatred—I saw their feelings of anger, loss and fear. What were my colleagues afraid of? It wasn't me, but it was what I represented. I speak English fluently yet with a heavy accent. In a post-9/11 America, though I was of Iranian descent, I was deemed an outsider, attracting suspicion and hatred.
The people who perpetuate hate are hurting. I don’t mean to say that the recipients of hatred need to shoulder emotional work on behalf of their persecutors, but I learned a lesson that fueled my work and mission: Empathy needs to work both ways.
Hierarchy Of Needs
Abraham Maslow’s theory of the hierarchy of needs puts it perfectly: Humans all have basic needs, organized into five different tiers. The most basic level covers physiological needs, while the top level is self-actualization, when we can perform at our best.
As Maslow shows, a person cannot begin to recognize the needs on the higher levels of the pyramid until the needs of their lower levels have been met. As Edward Hess and Donna Murdoch propose in Fear: The Big Inhibitor of Innovation and Transformation for UVA Darden School of Business, people cannot learn, innovate or grow when they are afraid. While for different reasons, both myself and my co-workers were stuck in the lower levels of our hierarchy of needs. Someone whose work environment does not meet their basic low-level hierarchy of needs will struggle to ever feel welcome, esteem or self-actualization.
Looking at this situation from the perspective of a leader, knowing what I do now, how might I address this situation and help foster a more empathetic and inclusive environment?
While the obstacle may seem insurmountable, there are options to foster more inclusive cultures and heal broken work environments through the power of empathy.
Empathy Can Heal Ongoing Workplace Discrimination
How do we build a skill like empathy between colleagues from diverse backgrounds? What about colleagues who sit on opposing ends of the political spectrum or hold different religious beliefs? In order for our workplaces to heal and move forward, we need to teach the skills that allow empathy to flourish and connection to naturally progress.
Why is empathy worth cultivating in workplace culture? Empathy is fundamental to a foundational understanding of the requirements for others' success—customers and our colleagues alike.
1. The first step in building a more empathetic culture is to understand that empathy is stimulated by 'walking in the shoes of another.' New perspectives deepen our connection with others rather than divide us.
2. Leaders should invest in experiential, active training activities that stimulate empathy over focusing on DEI alone. This results in measurable attitude change toward others, allows for authentic conversation and engages participants in inclusive behaviors.
3. Best practices include repetition of perspective-taking and interactive dialog over time. This inclusive behavior itself reinforces empathy, creating a "virtuous circle" of compassion and action.
It may sound surprising, but I often feel grateful for that hate letter I received so many years ago. I was able to gain a new perspective on how we can begin to dismantle toxic beliefs in the workplace in the pursuit of empathy. It's only then that we can begin to heal from the inside out and uplift each other as a society.
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