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Confronting The Workplace Trauma Caused By A “Job From Hell” - A Conversation From The Other Side

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What was your “job from hell?” I still remember a job I had in high school where I worked at a movie theater. I had to clean the aisles between shows. The floors would be coated in a butter and soda gelatinous mess. It was so gross!

But there's another type of “job from hell” I want to discuss. The type of “job from hell” experience that can really stick (much worse than those movie theater floors) is when a person goes through such stressful situations at work that it becomes mentally or emotionally overwhelming. That is the essence of workplace trauma.

When it comes to workplace trauma, the issues extend beyond the physical space. It is tied to the people in that space and specifically the way they treat you and others. If you've ever worked in a toxic work environment, consider this: How we engage with others in our current work might be influenced (for better or worse) by that job from hell experience.

I’ve invited one of my thought partners, Queing, to share in this discussion about workplace trauma experiences and how we can be intentional in getting past it without compromising future success.

Teresa: What would you say might sometimes get glossed over when the subject of the “job from hell” comes up?

Queing: That for a lot of folks, their “job from hell” situation ranks as one of their most miserable adult experiences.

Certainly was for me. My former teammates from my, shall we call it JFH (job from hell) used to even joke about our experience being like a crazy reality show that people would probably think was staged. It was that horrid.

Seriously, at my JFH, as one of just a few Black women, I daily dealt with microaggressions. One of my many examples of that is from a morning when there had been a major snowstorm the night before. The roads were a mess and the local news was warning residents to only drive if necessary, due to the icy conditions. There had already been reports of early morning accidents. I was very anxious about driving to work, and was concerned for my co-workers, too.

Since I lived closer than most of them, I was determined to just drive slowly and take my time. Well, I make it to the building on time. Rattled, but on time. My colleagues start trickling in one by one. Everyone is a nervous wreck because of what they struggled through to get there. Fast forward about a half hour and now there’s a meeting about to start. The director looks over at me and says in front of everyone, “Queing, your face is saying, “Oh, Michelle (name changed to protect the foolish), why would you make us come in today.” My response was, “Really? That’s interesting. Because what I’m actually thinking is that I’m so glad that everyone made it here safely.” And to that she rolled her eyes.

A lot of my run-ins were because of my face being policed. Side note, I used to work for Disney. I’ve been trained by the best on what it looks like to display a pleasant disposition. It’s engrained. So, for my expressions to be seen as anything other than pleasant is truly a stretch. But microaggressions are not supposed to make sense, no matter what the subject may be.

Speaking of which, it’s no surprise to me that the new Women in the Workplace study revealed that women of color face higher rates of microaggressions and are more than twice as likely than other women to feel burned out at work because of it. I’m pointing this out because workplace trauma can stem from having endured such encounters on a regular basis.

Teresa: I’m so sorry that you went through that. And I’m glad that you’re out of there! I appreciate you being open to talking about it with me and my readers.

Workplace trauma can also come from having your work-life balance boundaries violated. Like in the case of having unreasonable expectations or work loads put on you with no regard for your wellbeing. I believe that the “Great Resignation” has brought some much-needed attention to that issue in particular.

Workplace trauma could also set in when a person is being bullied by an overbearing colleague or boss. That might look like regularly receiving emotionally charged emails or being belittled and gossiped about constantly. If a leader does it, it might show up as being put down in a meeting in front of others or being humiliated in some other way.

Queing: When I was experiencing this first hand, I did not realize just how much it was affecting me. Same with my co-workers. To this day, one of my former teammates told me that she can’t stand to hear high heels clicking down a hallway. It’s a trigger for her. That is like PTSD in a way. Even thinking about it right now, I’m reminded of how when “Michelle” would walk the halls, you could tell from her cadence what kind of day it was going to be.

Remember that opening scene from “The Devil Wears Prada” where Miranda Priestly is coming into the office and one of the managers yells out “Alright everyone, gird your loins!” Everyone would start their day on edge because of this woman. Well, in my lived experience of having a bully boss, I can tell you that Miranda herself would be moving out of the way when “Michelle” hit the scene. I joke about it a little now. But it goes down as one of the hardest times of my professional career.

Teresa: It interesting that you mentioned PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. Because if a person is subjected to intense workplace bullying, same with kids in school, over time that really can take a serious mental and emotional toll, one that might actually result in PTSD or some other high anxiety issue.

Queing: And the thing is, because we’re all so different, what was deal-breaking issue for one person may not have been a problem for someone else – and vice versa. But whatever the issue was from a job from hell, it is crucial to (as Iyanla Vanzant says) “call a thing a thing” so that you can recognize it for what it is and move through the process of getting past it for good.

Teresa: One of the ways to do that is to assume positive intent and be careful of the lens you are looking at things through. If you come into an organization expecting to be treated like the one you were in prior, you are most likely going to see things through a different lens than you would if you assumed positive intent. We need to be careful of the stories we tell ourselves and the meaning we assign. So be willing to recognize if you’re responding to the reality of a current situation, or responding based on the outcome of a past negative situation. And I say this with the understanding that it takes deliberate effort to be reflective when you find yourself triggered.

Queing: I can attest to that. When I first started in my current role, I had a moment when my VP asked me one morning what I was doing since she hadn’t seen me online. My availability must have said “Away” or “DND.” So she sent me an IM that said something like, “I haven’t seen you online...”

My interpretation: “I haven’t seen you online. That means you must not be working. I’m watching you.”

Where did that come from? It came from a former experience of being micromanaged from 9 to 5. Anyone who’s been through that knows how exhausting and aggravating it is. I didn’t realize that I still had mental residue from that experience! But when I realized what was coming up for me, I had to assume the best so that I wouldn’t take on being offended. It was a purposeful act.

Teresa: Thank you for sharing that. I remember you telling me about how you even spoke with her about that. In a sense, letting her know what you need to feel supported. And that’s a very key piece to this as well.

Self-awareness is key. It can also help you to avoid being a trigger for someone else, especially in these times of unprecedented levels of stress. I was reading the 2021 State of the Global Workplace Report and it was pointed out that the American workforce is the most stressed in the world! Basically, if stress were a sport, the US would be world record holders right now.

Queing: Yes to the power of self-awareness! It reminds me of a conversation I had recently with a woman in leadership who said that she used to work incredibly long hours, leaving just slivers of time (if that) for her family. What made this more problematic is that she expected those who worked for her to match her "commitment." She didn’t realize at the time that she was heaping on the stress and contaminating the work culture. Instead, she believed that she was modeling dedication. There was no awareness back then, but thankfully there is now. This same person is now an incredibly thoughtful, compassionate, and inclusive leader.

Her story helped me to start to have empathy, really for the first time, for "Michelle.” I certainly didn’t have it back then! During one crazy episode, my team and I were instructed to pull the erasers out of all the pencils in the building. We had tons of pencils because of the type of work we did. I’m trying to not reveal too much. But trust me, I’m talking about hundreds of pencils here.

“Michelle” said that pencils were slowing down progress due to people needing to erase. Her theory was that if there were no erasers, we could just have folks draw a line through things and that would be faster. Retelling this story, it occurs to me that I had a Miranda Priestly/Michael Scott hybrid as a leader.

Anyway, I was so annoyed that some of my brilliant colleagues actually spent time pulling out erasers from pencils! I refused to do it. I had to say something about it, too. I was not going to simply complain about it until the next thing bizzaro world thing happened . So, I set up a meeting.

When I spoke one-on-one with “Michelle” (which I would often do on behalf of the team) and told her that I did not think that pulling erasers out of pencils was an effective use of our time and that it comes across as insulting and degrading to try to control how to people do their work - I was told, “You and I have the same mission, but different visions. You don’t understand the vision and that creates division.”

Having your input disregarded over and over again, especially on issues that impact the work you do, is very frustrating. But looking back, and thinking about my friend’s story, I just wonder if maybe “Michelle” was so consumed with increasing performance that she came up with these unreasonable demands in an effort to reach that goal. She didn’t have the human skills, like communication, empathy, or self-awareness, to do things differently. As a result, she lost a rockstar team because of it. 18 of us left in the same year.

Teresa: 18! Wow! Hopefully, that sent a message.

Queing: You would think so. But that will take a bit more time. The good thing is that I and my former colleagues moved on when we did. As a group, we even wrote a letter to the board to let them know details about things that had been happening. Numerous accounts of verbally and emotionally abusive experiences were documented in this letter.

Teresa: You all did the right thing by documenting your experiences. You left a record. And whether it seems like it or not, especially at the time, but you reclaimed your career by leaving.

If left unchecked, collective work trauma (everyone’s mental load compounded) can and will erode employee wellbeing company-wide. It may not always be apparent that this is what’s happening. But it’s certainly at the root. What is seen on the surface may be low morale, chronically poor communication and decision making on the part of leaders, or work hours lost due to stress.

People come out of these experiences, these crazy situations with work, where their wellbeing has been sacrificed, and then they start new roles while they may still be processing what happened. You never know who else on your team may have gone through a job from hell situation that haunts them still.

Queing: Exactly. And with everything that’s transpiring in our world right now, especially with so many people (working women in particular) facing burnout, we have to be mindful of the fact that we are either being a help or a hindrance in regards to how we deal with our own ish.

Teresa: What would you say to someone who is fresh out of a “job from hell” experience?

Queing: If you’ve just struggled through a tough time at work, a really tough time - the kind that had you questioning your capabilities, your confidence, and your sanity, I encourage you to be patient with yourself. And please consider the tips we pointed out, especially the one about reflection.

In spite of the fact that you did not bring those crazy things upon yourself, it is your responsibility to clean up the mental mess they may have left behind. Maybe you accomplish that through coaching, therapy, or mindfulness practices. Either way, be intentional about not allowing those past negative experiences to skew your view going forward.

Teresa: Because we can't change what's happened in the past, but we can influence how we want to experience the future. Not only for ourselves, but for those who work alongside us, too.

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